If you bought chickens for the fresh eggs and quickly found yourself pampering them more than your dog, this post is for you.
We’ve been keeping chickens for years, and we have a lot of friends that keep chickens. Our plan from the start with our birds was to raise them for their eggs and when they stopped laying, they’d go to the stew pot.
Well… some of our chickens have managed to elevate themselves to pet status and it happened so quickly I barely realized it.
Through careful observation of my own behavior and that of friends, I’ve managed to pinpoint just exactly how this happened.
How to Turn your Chickens into Pets
Treating your chickens as much-loved pets is not difficult. Their unique personalities, antics, and intellect make it easy to think of them as pets that also supply eggs.
If you have any hope of keeping chickens as strictly livestock, take this post as a warning.
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Step 1: Name Each Chicken
The very first step to ensuring that your new livestock become pets as quickly as possible is to name them all with distinctive and creative titles.
Make sure each one perfectly fits the characteristics and personality of that bird, so that when it comes time to eat them, you won’t be able to do so without bawling.
This is the most effective way, and the cheapest, to make sure your livestock become pets right off the bat.
The Very Best Chicken Names:
- HENrietta
- Brooster
- Mother Clucker
- Hen Solo
- Kung Pow
- Pox
- Yolko Ono
- Cluck Norris
Step 2: Build an Exquisite Chicken Coop
It may start out innocently enough. You may paint the inside of the coop to add some much needed light. Next you may put some curtains on the windows, just to cheer the place up a bit. Then you might paint a few decorative flowers here and there, but you swear it’s for you, not for them.
Let me tell you, coop beautification is a slippery slope. Before you know it things will get really out of control. Soon, you will be hanging a chandelier and chicken art to dress up the coop.
While you’re at it, it also wouldn’t hurt to hire a muralist to paint portraits of your flock on the outside, complete with a clever name for their dwelling, like “The Eggplant,” or the “Little Deuce Coop.”
Still convinced that these creatures are livestock, not pets? Take it one step further by planting a very special chicken garden for them to devour and scratch to their hearts content.
Step 3: Allow the Chickens Inside the House to Visit
Hey, chickens need love too, right? Why should your dog and cat get all the privileges of sitting on your couch and eating off your dinner plate?
It’s only fair to let your two legged friends into the house once in awhile. Besides, it’s really hot outside and they just need a moment to cool off. Don’t forget the chicken diaper.
Make sure you also turn on Animal Planet for them… because hey, we can’t have them getting bored.
Step 4: Pamper Your Chickens
If the above steps haven’t yet managed to turn your chickens into pets, it’s time to start pampering them.
Give them frequent bubble baths and manicures. Don’t forget to paint their little toes!
Clean their coop more often than you clean your house. Ignore the mountain of dishes in your sink and the cobwebs clustering in the corners, and instead take that time to scrub down every inch of the chicken coop. Make sure to dispose of every last molecule of feces and filth so your pretty little babies don’t have to dirty their freshly manicured feet.
- Be sure to spend at least $50 per month at the feed store on chicken treats, your babies deserve the best!
- Maybe take them for a walk around the neighborhood with a fancy chicken leash or even a pet stroller.
- Are you little sweetums getting bored? Buy them a chicken swing, or some chicken toys so they’ll never have to twiddle their thumbs, err, wings, in boredom again.
Step 5: Invest in a Chicken Security System for Protection
Invest unspeakable amounts of cash in a high tech security systems so predators won’t even dream of stepping foot on your property.
- Safety lights
- Security alarms
- Spy cams, both inside the coop and out so you can see what’s going on with your pets…..um…chickens
To be really sure your systems are working, call a professional to install them. This should cost you at least a few thousand dollars, but it’s worth it for your pet… er…livestock protection.
Before you know it, your chickens can worm their way into your heart. All because chickens are smarter than people give them credit for, they have individual personalities, and are great entertainment. Plus keeping chickens as pets comes with other benefits such as fresh eggs, bug control, and manure for your gardens.
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Hahaha thus I’d the funniest post! All I want is to be able to go out and pick up my chickens whenever I want haha but they’re not too keen on allowing me that! Oh well I guess I’ll just have to keep mine as livestock!
we have 4 chickens…little red hens. my son bought them as chicks..held them every nite loved them, brought them in the house, held them some more, made the dogs love them…oh did I mention he’s 30! We got the coop at Costco believe it or not. But they are so much fun, they adore to be around people, follow me all over talking all the time….have completely destroyed my garden putting up a fence this weekend….bought the book you linked to. I tried to name them but they just don’t have enough different looks….but of the 4, 3 always hang together, I call them the BFF’s, the loner chick I call Reb (rebel) Chicken because she is always doing something new which the BFF’s eventually follow. And you are right…I sort of talk about them like my kids….want to see what my chicks did today? I signed up for your email….and for people who think you can’t have chickens in town. I live in San Diego….but nope the beach is out!!!
I just ordered your book, thank you for such a great laugh.
Victoria
Thank you so much Victoria! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the site and I hope you love the book. Thanks for the support! 🙂
I could not stop laughing at letting the chickens in when your husband ins’t home, because that was my first thought, my husband would neverrrrrrr go for that. I recently tried to convince him that when we get our goats, yes -when not if ;), they will have to come inside for naps, obviously. Which was followed by showing him lots of instagram pics of cute gots taking naps. Convinced. hehe
Sadly, this whole chicken obsession is my thing that my my dear wife let’s me have! Luckily, she enjoys it also, but it was my push for the inside chickens… LOL! 😛
Lollllll ☺ï¸â˜ºï¸â˜ºï¸Thankyou for this great article
I thought it was just my girls and I who are in love with clucky darlings…. yes we absolutely loveee just spending time with them especially my youngest 13yr old she loves bringing them inside & sitting on the swing with them lollll,….
Thanks fir sharing guys
Cheers
Hahahah oh you’re not alone at all! They wiggle their way right into your heart!
Like serioisly i never thought i was a “bird person” till my husband ..he always loved birds had started since he was 8 or nine with a small pigeon coop and a few tai chickens then bwam im in the pic i named one pigeon couldnt believe a gross pigeon and then i was defending it and grew to love them then a helped a baby chick hatch her name was ruby i was her first sight and her mom she was always hoppin on my shoulder then after 5 years i was at or favorite poultry place and there was silkies i had to have one i named her sweetstank she was my everything like my baby baby she talked to me she ninja ran whenever i came home her nick name was babeeee she only answered to me she loved tai tea and otter pops she slept with me like would lay her neck on mine give me kisses in the morning. It still hurts now shes gone but anyway point is i spoiled her the most outta all currently have two babys …salt and peppa they are funny …
Frann, It is amazing how these critters worm their way into our hearts!
Thank you so much for your post. I am new to chicken petting. My husband and I have recently purchased a new property and with 3 weeks of moving in my husband went a bought chicks – one week old. They all have names. One use to keep me company on my desk. We Phil Collins- rooster, Suzi and quatro. Doris and girly, lacy and the twins. And last are the awesome foursome.they are called that because they are mixed bread. I have a cubby house for the older chooks and I have just bought another one for the younger chicks and they are both painted to match my house. Today I built an outside perch gym for them and feed them strawberries from my veggy garden as well as most other stuff in there.. These are egg laying pets from the start. Friend s and family shake their heads and just laugh.