While cleaning out the attic last week, I found a box full of artwork and stories from my childhood. It seems I’ve had a pretty extreme interest in the farm life since I was a kid. Let me explain…

I thought that my interest in chickens began when we started raising chickens… turns out it started in First Grade, when I spent my time obsessively drawing pictures of chickens:

I was also into bees long before we got our own hive and showed it by drawing creep-tastic bees on everything:

I was already an expert on uses for Jam, even as a six year old.

While reading through this book, I couldn’t help but wonder: How did anyone expect a 6 year old to come up with 101 uses for jam? Apparently after “put it on bread,” I got a little desperate for ideas and started using my overzealous imagination instead.

Uses for jam

“You could use it for baking bread” Okay, a stretch, but I see where you’re going with this.

“You could use it for keeping your shoes tied” How?! Just… how?

“You could use it to throw at your brother.” I’m sure he thoroughly enjoyed that experience.

“You could use it for toothpaste” Sounds waaaay more tasty than toothpaste, but pretty sure it will have the opposite of the intended effect.

“You can use it for hairspray” You saw it here first folks! A 100% natural and organic hairspray. You’re welcome.

“You can use it for oil” Clearly I was a child prodigy. Here’s proof that I had the idea for bio-fuels long before anyone else.

I was also well aware of the importance of farm animals and their many uses long before I had any farm animals:

As you can see, this was the year that seeing dogs made the endangered species list, and this one is clearly a flying seeing eye dog, so he gets extra special treatment.

Also- Why have I been doing all of my own work all these years like a chump when I could have had a working elephant do it for me?!

Moving on…

I clearly understood the chicken reproductive cycle, and proved it by writing some very depressing poetry about the realities of raising chickens. Word of advice: don’t name any of your chickens Cheep Cheep.

depressing chicken poetry

Although I understood how long it took to hatch an egg, I was utterly confused about which animals pop out on day 21. Luckily I figured that one out before we hatched our own.

Even though I thought rabbits hatched out of Easter Eggs, I was still a very realistic child.

Kid art

When asked to make a list of my most important possessions that I could bring with me to a deserted island I not only included the thingsĀ  I loved, like my dog and my teddy bear, I also included:

  • Medicine
  • Paper and pencil
  • Food
  • Clothes
  • and… a boat.

Who wouldn’t bring a boat to a deserted island? Duh.

I hope you enjoyed a look into my crazy mind as a child.

Oh, and parents: Please keep your children’s ridiculous drawings so they can laugh at them some day.